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breakfastofchampionslast night i wrote a silly little interview with claude & jyoti from orange pekoe, & i thought i'd post it!
author: hello there, you two.
jyoti: hi! how are you?
claude: hello.
jyoti: it’s funny for us to talk together like this, isn’t it, author?
author: it feels a little funny. i hope you don’t mind me interviewing you. you’ll have to bear with me, i’m afraid; i’m a fairly poor interviewer.
jyoti: that’s okay. we’re not too good at being interviewed, either. no practice. no one’s shown much interest in us before now. right, clommery?
claude: that’s right.
author: the worst part is, i can’t think of good questions. let’s see, what are your favorite works of literature?
jyoti: orange pekoe! because i’m in it. (laughs) i don’t read too much, really. but i like fairy tales. and science articles, i guess, if they’re interesting. maybe true crime? jack the ripper. just to laugh at the sensational, awful parts. yeah, i like to read bad stuff to laugh at it.
author: claude?
claude: oh, i don’t know… it is hard to decide. my favorite prose writers are proust and colette, perhaps? and mr. melville.
jyoti: you know who i don’t like? hemingway.
claude: i thought for whom the bell tolls was not bad.
jyoti: no, it was awful! er-- not that i finished it. but i read enough. mr. le made us. atrocious. i said so in my essay. (her eyes narrow) numerous times.
author: i won’t argue the point with you. i’m more concerned with you than hemingway at the moment, though. you mentioned mr. le. is he your favorite teacher at vycrest?
jyoti: definitely. even if he made us read that book. you know, i think he even likes that book. but that’s okay, because he’s really nice. i don’t know-- i don’t know if he’s a good teacher, though. he kind of lets people walk all over him. and he talks too soft. sometimes i feel bad for him. he looks lost standing in front of the chalkboard like that, doesn’t he, clommery?
claude: yes. and yes, he is my favorite teacher. although they are all quite good.
jyoti: clommery won’t say anything bad about anyone.
claude: yes, i don’t like to.
author: but if you were going to-- to say something bad about someone, who would it be, claude?
claude (blinks): myself.
jyoti: that makes no sense! you’re great, and just think of all the jerks around! (shakes head) i guess you can’t ask me that question, author, since i’ll say anything bad about anyone, if they deserve it.
author: who would you say something good about, then?
jyoti: let’s see... clommery, definitely. mr. le. taj, my brother. liz. yeah, that’s it. that’s all i can think of now.
author: this next one’s for both of you-- if you had your choice of careers, what would you choose?
jyoti: i’d be a pirate!
claude (smiles): a marine biologist.
author: so you’d both choose nautical occupations, of a sort?
jyoti: i guess so. maybe we could work together somehow. maybe clommery could be my on-ship marine biologist. we could be… (considers) peaceful science pirates or something. like darwin.
author: was he a pirate?
jyoti: he had a ship called the beagle, didn’t he? that’s a cool name for a ship. darwin’s cool.
claude: i like the sea. it sings.
jyoti: claude’s eyes look like the sea, don’t they?
author: they do. oh, i’ve thought of another question. how do you feel about the love interests i’ve provided you?
jyoti: i think you’re weird, author! (laughs) but i’m not complaining. i like july, a lot, although she’s so damned hard on herself, like this one here. (indicates claude) as for the other one… well, that’s just sad. it’s really sad. i don’t know if i should talk about it, especially as i’m not supposed to know about it in the story. no, i won’t talk about it.
author: claude? it’s okay if you don’t want to answer.
claude: that’s all right… i don’t mind… it’s strange, i don’t know why they’d like me, really. you’ve given me too many, more than i warrant. i miss rory, though. i mean, i suppose he’s returned, but he isn’t the same, is he? jyoti’s right, it’s sad. but it’s a sad story, isn’t it meant to be? in part, at least.
author: sorry, sorry, i shouldn’t have asked that question.
jyoti: you’re the author.
author: sad but true.
jyoti: don’t be too hard on yourself! you do your best.
author: all right. another question. something more lighthearted. what kind of music do you like, both of you? favorite musicians, favorite genres, that kind of thing…?
jyoti: claude goes first this time!
claude (laughs): okay, i will go first. i like classical, as you can perhaps guess. satie’s my favorite. and debussy and ravel. it seems i am doomed to choose mostly artists from my homeland, but it’s not due to any bias…. i have maybe not had enough exposure to other things. i have been always very isolated. i do like other things. i like mozart’s requiem. i like yet older musics. i don’t know the names for them. and the sea.
jyoti: me, i like rock ‘n’ roll! sleazy rock, glammy rock, old rock. yeah.
author: if you could go on a vacation, go anywhere, where would you go?
jyoti: i’ll go where claude’s going, with her. if she doesn’t mind, anyway.
claude: i would like to have you along. and i would like to go-- (pause) i would like to go somewhere ancient. where there are shrines to the first gods. i would like to see them, these old places.
jyoti: will the jungle be involved?
claude: perhaps.
jyoti: i don’t know how i feel about tropical diseases.
claude: i promise you you’ll be all right.
jyoti: well, if claude says i’ll be all right, that’s good enough for me. i’ll go too. can you take us, author?
author (surprised): actually… i can. okay, i’ll take you, then. i promise. when the time comes. but for now, i have to go. thank you for talking to me like this for this little exercise.
jyoti: you’re welcome! hurry back to us. we miss you, you know. don’t throw us over for that bitch caligula.
author (laughing): i won’t! i promise. good bye.
jyoti: bye now, but not for long.
claude: good bye, author.
author: hello there, you two.
jyoti: hi! how are you?
claude: hello.
jyoti: it’s funny for us to talk together like this, isn’t it, author?
author: it feels a little funny. i hope you don’t mind me interviewing you. you’ll have to bear with me, i’m afraid; i’m a fairly poor interviewer.
jyoti: that’s okay. we’re not too good at being interviewed, either. no practice. no one’s shown much interest in us before now. right, clommery?
claude: that’s right.
author: the worst part is, i can’t think of good questions. let’s see, what are your favorite works of literature?
jyoti: orange pekoe! because i’m in it. (laughs) i don’t read too much, really. but i like fairy tales. and science articles, i guess, if they’re interesting. maybe true crime? jack the ripper. just to laugh at the sensational, awful parts. yeah, i like to read bad stuff to laugh at it.
author: claude?
claude: oh, i don’t know… it is hard to decide. my favorite prose writers are proust and colette, perhaps? and mr. melville.
jyoti: you know who i don’t like? hemingway.
claude: i thought for whom the bell tolls was not bad.
jyoti: no, it was awful! er-- not that i finished it. but i read enough. mr. le made us. atrocious. i said so in my essay. (her eyes narrow) numerous times.
author: i won’t argue the point with you. i’m more concerned with you than hemingway at the moment, though. you mentioned mr. le. is he your favorite teacher at vycrest?
jyoti: definitely. even if he made us read that book. you know, i think he even likes that book. but that’s okay, because he’s really nice. i don’t know-- i don’t know if he’s a good teacher, though. he kind of lets people walk all over him. and he talks too soft. sometimes i feel bad for him. he looks lost standing in front of the chalkboard like that, doesn’t he, clommery?
claude: yes. and yes, he is my favorite teacher. although they are all quite good.
jyoti: clommery won’t say anything bad about anyone.
claude: yes, i don’t like to.
author: but if you were going to-- to say something bad about someone, who would it be, claude?
claude (blinks): myself.
jyoti: that makes no sense! you’re great, and just think of all the jerks around! (shakes head) i guess you can’t ask me that question, author, since i’ll say anything bad about anyone, if they deserve it.
author: who would you say something good about, then?
jyoti: let’s see... clommery, definitely. mr. le. taj, my brother. liz. yeah, that’s it. that’s all i can think of now.
author: this next one’s for both of you-- if you had your choice of careers, what would you choose?
jyoti: i’d be a pirate!
claude (smiles): a marine biologist.
author: so you’d both choose nautical occupations, of a sort?
jyoti: i guess so. maybe we could work together somehow. maybe clommery could be my on-ship marine biologist. we could be… (considers) peaceful science pirates or something. like darwin.
author: was he a pirate?
jyoti: he had a ship called the beagle, didn’t he? that’s a cool name for a ship. darwin’s cool.
claude: i like the sea. it sings.
jyoti: claude’s eyes look like the sea, don’t they?
author: they do. oh, i’ve thought of another question. how do you feel about the love interests i’ve provided you?
jyoti: i think you’re weird, author! (laughs) but i’m not complaining. i like july, a lot, although she’s so damned hard on herself, like this one here. (indicates claude) as for the other one… well, that’s just sad. it’s really sad. i don’t know if i should talk about it, especially as i’m not supposed to know about it in the story. no, i won’t talk about it.
author: claude? it’s okay if you don’t want to answer.
claude: that’s all right… i don’t mind… it’s strange, i don’t know why they’d like me, really. you’ve given me too many, more than i warrant. i miss rory, though. i mean, i suppose he’s returned, but he isn’t the same, is he? jyoti’s right, it’s sad. but it’s a sad story, isn’t it meant to be? in part, at least.
author: sorry, sorry, i shouldn’t have asked that question.
jyoti: you’re the author.
author: sad but true.
jyoti: don’t be too hard on yourself! you do your best.
author: all right. another question. something more lighthearted. what kind of music do you like, both of you? favorite musicians, favorite genres, that kind of thing…?
jyoti: claude goes first this time!
claude (laughs): okay, i will go first. i like classical, as you can perhaps guess. satie’s my favorite. and debussy and ravel. it seems i am doomed to choose mostly artists from my homeland, but it’s not due to any bias…. i have maybe not had enough exposure to other things. i have been always very isolated. i do like other things. i like mozart’s requiem. i like yet older musics. i don’t know the names for them. and the sea.
jyoti: me, i like rock ‘n’ roll! sleazy rock, glammy rock, old rock. yeah.
author: if you could go on a vacation, go anywhere, where would you go?
jyoti: i’ll go where claude’s going, with her. if she doesn’t mind, anyway.
claude: i would like to have you along. and i would like to go-- (pause) i would like to go somewhere ancient. where there are shrines to the first gods. i would like to see them, these old places.
jyoti: will the jungle be involved?
claude: perhaps.
jyoti: i don’t know how i feel about tropical diseases.
claude: i promise you you’ll be all right.
jyoti: well, if claude says i’ll be all right, that’s good enough for me. i’ll go too. can you take us, author?
author (surprised): actually… i can. okay, i’ll take you, then. i promise. when the time comes. but for now, i have to go. thank you for talking to me like this for this little exercise.
jyoti: you’re welcome! hurry back to us. we miss you, you know. don’t throw us over for that bitch caligula.
author (laughing): i won’t! i promise. good bye.
jyoti: bye now, but not for long.
claude: good bye, author.
